Saturday, August 30, 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008

hot damn! what a woman

sarah palin!

snappy answers

Snappy Answer #1
A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a
man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his
coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to
see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf
stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No, they're
dead."

Snappy Answer #3
The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day,"
the Policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on
his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4
A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge
ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets
stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police
car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the
lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The
lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
petrol."

and finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A university
lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, I won't
tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in
your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A
smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their
laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically
at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose
you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

more scotland



martin takes wonderful photos

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

i do believe i am intelligent and responsible enough to make my own decisions

when the smoking bans were being passed around the free world, i predicted that next they would come after the booze. the ink wasn't even dry on the no smoking signs when the assault began. here is more.. and it's time we stop being complacent to the government's need to be our nanny.

a good read from spiked online

Monday, August 25, 2008

one of my favourite jokes - i don't care how old it is!

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to bomb next, when his phone rang.
"Hello," the voice said. "This is Paddy at the Harp Pub in Ireland, I am ringing you to say me and a couple of me mates are declaring war on you!"

"Well Paddy," replied Saddam, "how big is your army"

"Well lets see there's me, my brother sean, my next door neighbour seamus and the local dart team."

"Ahh" said Saddam. "I must tell you that you are against 1 million men, 16000 tanks and 14000 armoured personnel carriers."

Paddy then hung up....The next day, sure enough, Paddy rung again, "The war is still on Mr. Hussein." Paddy said. "We now have some infantry and equipment."

"What would that be" Saddam asked.

"Well we have 2 combines, a bulldozer, and Father Murpheys Grey Fergy tractor," Paddy replied.

Saddam sighed "Paddy may I tell you that my army has increased to 2 million men since we last spoke."

"I'll get back to ya," Paddy said. Sure enough Paddy rang again, "Right Mr. Hussein, we've modified our two seater Harrigans ultra light plane with a gattling gun, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us."

Saddam cleared his throat lay back on his chair and said, "Paddy... I have 10000 bombers, 20000 fighter planes, and I am surrounded by surface to air lazer guided missles, and my army has incresed to 2 and a half million men since yesterday."



"Oh" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring ya back"

Paddy called again the next day and said "I'm sorry, but the wars been called off."

"I'm sorry to hear that, why the sudden change of heart?" asked Saddam.

"Well after a discussion over a couple of pints we decided there's no way we could feed two and a half million prisoners"

more sage advice on friendships

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;
Because you are my friend.

here's a good example of government controlled healthcare

governments never run efficiently. they aren't designed to. here is a little article about the fiasco in massachusetts-the much touted masshealth program. and as far as "free" healthcare goes, people are paying $400 a month for this program. hardly free now is it?

masshealth for the masses broken

Friday, August 22, 2008

friendships

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked
An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body
I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job

ps.. already posted at kae's