snappy answers

Snappy Answer #1
A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a
man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his
coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to
see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf
stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No, they're
dead."

Snappy Answer #3
The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day,"
the Policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on
his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4
A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge
ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets
stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police
car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the
lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The
lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
petrol."

and finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR A university
lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, I won't
tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in
your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A
smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their
laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically
at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose
you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."