portrait of an artist as a young woman

when i was young and thoughts of being an artist (painter) was to be avant garde, an iconoclast, in conflict with the norms of society - to make them think. as i said i was young. in the pre punk days i went to see an show of the artists from russia prior to the revolution. their art was dark and vivid and made me think. i was inspired. however america was not on the brink of killing the ruling class and my art was not dark. i guess many punk artists went to see the same show for their art was very similar.
i go to shows and see nothing different from 30 years ago. a trip to the art museum of chicago two years brought me and maria into laughter and tears. nothing imaginative. nothing we didnt do in our college years. nothing to challenge society.
i believe this is because the majority of contemporary artists are complacent and no longer think beyond the footnotes they are given in college and life.
my art is still focusing on technique rather than waking up the dead. maybe one day i will be appreciated, if not, i am not worried.
i was inspired to write this after reading the smithsonian magazine on gauguin. now he is great. as is manet.
this post set off a train of thought